Long ago I realised I wasn’t going to be a great artist. I was seduced by the noble art of the cartoon, and chose to go down the route of cartoons that weren’t funny. This didn’t make my work popular or memorable, but it led me to realise that where I might fail as an individual, I might score as a creator of movements. My first forays involved joining the dots of this ludicrous life in a style known as Whatsthepointillism? I attracted no followers. Some cynics dubbed it Pointlessism, which I was OK with, but eventually, in the total absence of any outside interest, I moved on to the stage I have arrived at now, as illustrated in the accompanying picture – Depressionism. Still not a lot of uptake, but I’m having moderate fun anyway. I am planning a final phase, where I rip up my entire archive for posterity. Sadly, Destructivism has already been done to death by others with greater magnetism than I, so I’m going to settle for Witticism. Who dares follow?